So, I haven’t written in a LONG time. I’m sorry about that. I have half begun about 100 posts, but was always too tired, distracted, or just plain lazy to put it all together. But, this morning was kind of awesome, and I knew my posting could wait no longer.
Not a lot has happened in the interim, just holidays and the like. Having my kids’ birthdays smooshed up next to Christmas makes for a pretty busy holiday season. We have had the opportunity to investigate a new job opportunity, though, and things are really coming around. It is that same job that made my heart leap back when I was still dealing with the closed door at OM. Slowly, that position has inched its way closer, and we are continuing to pray for wisdom about it. Our interview is next week – eek! We should know then if we are taking the job or not. I plan on waiting to fill everyone in on the position itself if it all comes about. It is an amazing, challenging, heart-stirring position. I will be thrilled if it all comes together. Which leads me to this morning…
I was getting ready for the day and I was praying. I had exchanged a couple of emails with the director at this new position this morning and my mind was just racing. “Please Lord, I think we would love this job. What can I do to be more prepared?” And the answer that came to me was “Work harder, be more diligent, give more!” It was in the tone of someone preparing for a contest, pumping up for a race… and I knew that wasn’t right. So I asked again, “Lord, what am I to do?” and this time I heard, “Do nothing… Draw near to me. I am the one who qualifies you.” This time was different. It was not in the commanding tone of a coach… it was in, almost, a breeze, barely noticeable until the thought had passed. And I realized 2 things.
1. The first thought had been my own. It is the very core of my thoughts, the one that has urged me on since I was a kid. Do more, be stronger, be the best, fight, keep going, win, win, win, do, do, do. But, there is nothing I can do to prepare for the things we are looking to do. Only God can bring the changes necessary in me. Only time and experience and mistakes can teach me to lead in the way I will need to. And just waiting is so much harder than doing and being in control. In Psalm 46:10 (NASB) it says, “Cease striving and know that I am God.” Just, CEASE.
2. There was a noticeable difference between my voice and the Lord’s. I don’t know if I have ever really “heard” the Lord like I did today. I can’t even say it was really hearing. It was thought, or maybe even felt. Regardless, there was a distinct difference between the two thoughts, and that was pretty remarkable. In John 10:27, Jesus says “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” It was definitely a voice I would follow. And while there was a huge difference in tone, there was also one in content. God does not ask us to work harder. The very opposite! It says in Ephesians 2:8-9
“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
If I could just do enough to prepare for everything in my life on my own, there would be no glory for the Lord in that. Just for me, and God knows me well enough to know I could hardly resist that. No, He doesn’t want me to do anything but yield. In Hebrews 13:20-21 it says,
“May the God of Peace…equip you with all you need to do His will…”
He will equip, outfit, and refine me for whatever He has in store for our family.
Now! If only I could just switch off my penchant for being in control…but again, not something I can do. God can though. He says in John 15:7 “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” Let it be done, then, Lord, that I will cease striving and rest in You. Let it be done that I will be obedient to whatever calling You have, that I will know Your voice, that I will bring You glory through Your work in me.
Please pray for open and closed doors and for wisdom to know the Lord’s will. The Lord has plans for this family yet…