“If God is for us, who can be against us?” We sang that at church today, and it hit me deep. One of the things we keep hearing from people we have gone to for counsel is the sheer difficulty of raising support, especially in this economy. And while I know this will be true, I can’t help but feel the peace of the Lord. My prayer today was that if this is His will for us, that there will be not just enough but an overflowing abundance of provision, which reminds me…
Kirk and I are being spiritually revived in a way that we have never been. We both have begun to examine our motives, doubts, our very characters far deeper than ever before. Myself, I have truly learned the idea of wrestling with God like Jacob did. My prayers end up going something like this:
“God bless us not with just enough, but with abundance, so that people will know that You have sent us, so that there won’t be any doubt that we are serving you. Well, abundance would be nice too. I would like the security of that, things would be easier… Is that all that I’m after? No, I do want Your glory, and I want confirmation that You are with us, that You want to use us! Ugh, can You even use me? I am nobody. I have no training, I stumble every day… I am not nobody, I am Yours and Peter was a fisherman and everyday I turn to You and try again. Please use me I’ll do me very best! Wait, am I just hoping others will be proud of me…”
and on and on and ON, wrestling, and struggling, hoping that after all is weighed and measured that it will be the Lord that has won out and not me. That I will have His blessing. I tell you what, it is exhausting!!! No wonder Jacob’s hip gives way. But I already feel different, a deep sense of peace where fear used to be. And all of that is how I know that regardless of if we go oversees, that we were meant to start down this path. That this would be a refining fire for us…
Just a note:
Kirk and I have been going back and forth and discussing and praying and chatting and exclaiming and dreaming and worrying for days now, although it feels much longer. These blog posts will be by me (Kymberly) and from my perspective, but I will try and capture the individual parts of our trek.