When we got married five years ago, Kirk and I each included a passage of scripture in our wedding vows. Mine was Proverbs 31:10-30, which is about a praiseworthy wife, and how I would strive to be that in our home. Kirk’s was Ephesians 5:22-32, which is about our roles in marriage, and their representation of Christ’s love for us. Looking back, they were more fitting than we even knew. My main role is to be the best wife and mother I can be, to fill the many tasks as the woman of a Godly household. If you haven’t read that Proverbs section, please do. In fact, “Beautiful in God’s Eyes” by Elizabeth George is an amazing breakdown of those verses and the way they can apply to our modern lives (unless you gals still spin wool). But Kirk’s role is so much more. Not only does he need to be a strong and loving husband for me, but he has to have full comprehension of both of our functions. He is the “manager” of our home, and he needs to make sure we are both doing our roles, weighing and measuring and helping us each to be a better partner in our marriage.
My calling is to be “subject to my husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife…” Eph 5:22-23. That is not easy for my personality – I like to think I know everything. And yet, as the Lord has worked in my life over these past few months, I have come to be more and more under Kirk’s covering. There is an 8 year difference between Kirk and I, but it has never been as apparent as it is now. Many of the things I am working through, my pride and my childish selfishness mainly, Kirk conquered years ago. I am so blessed by his grace for me as I learn, by the patience he has with me as I struggle. I think he is even finding my lessons amusing. The Lord is binding us together closer than ever before as I draw near to the Lord and better find my place as a wife.
Kirk is to “love his wife even as himself,” Eph 5:28, and he daily sacrifices for my sake and is quick to show his love for me. I think the lesson he has been learning has been more about how to manage us in our individual roles. He has become a pastor to me, helping to teach me as I deal with my shortcomings, trying to help me find my role and learning to strengthen the support system for me and for our kids. He is learning to seek out our weaknesses and fill them in. This is as exhausting for him as my struggles are for me, and yet we both see how the Lord is using these preparations for our larger roles in the church and to our neighbors. How can I give to others unless I sacrifice my selfishness? How can Kirk lead others unless he knows how to lead us? We have asked to be refined, and the Lord is faithful, just as it says in Philippians 1:6
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Marriage is hard. It brings out the best and worst in each of us. It is so important to daily practice these verses, to live them out. We have had a pretty rough go lately. Whether it is spiritual attack, the Lord working in us, or just plain life, it has been really hard. Work stress, family stress, money stress, sickness and huge amounts of personal development – we have been engulfed… and yet, we have not been overcome. While there have been small moments where it has seemed unbearable, we have mostly had great peace. That is one way I know that God is doing big things in our little family, and in each of us individually. Please pray for grace, for protection, for strength and for the Lord to pour out his blessing as we press forward.