Long time, no write. It has been a whirlwind few months for us. Galilee Lark Richard decided take her sweet time in joining us, but was finally escorted into our presence 11 days late. She is adorable, fun and squishy I was the most worried about Ember adjusting to her – but he is in love, which blesses my heart.
As you’ve read before, I spend significant portions of my pregnancies battling depression. I was thankfully spared of that this time, but unfortunately have had quite the hormonal roller coaster since LileeLark was born. The mixture of change, sleep deprivation and hormones has made almost every day a balancing act of swinging emotions. Kirk has been so thoughtful and strong with me, listening to my endless monologues as I sort through the swirling feelings and find the truths hiding underneath. The last few weeks have been especially tough – Lilee hasn’t been sleeping at night and has been very fussy while nursing. Her weight hasn’t been progressing and I began to panic a little. I reached out to my very knowledgeable mama-friends, and they brought up tongue-tie. I had blown that off months ago – we just didn’t seem to have the symptoms. But now, it was becoming more and more likely. Watching a video, and reaching out to an expert confirmed that Lilee most likely will need a frenectomy. It’s minor surgery, but it will hurt, and the recovery can be kind of rough. There can also be complications to healing – nursing pain, chiropractic care, and the possibility of having to do it again if it doesn’t heal correctly. All of this churned into a tornado that left me both numb and terrified.
As I washed dishes after dinner, one of the only productive things I did as I slowly panicked today, I thought back to something that has helped me many times this year. While visiting with a friend who sweetly hosted us on our support raising trip, I had seen a sign hanging on her cabinets. It was this one.
How tongue and cheek, how true, how necessary. Kirk and I take great pains to protect our kids. We don’t let them watch scary movies, we keep them from scary Halloween celebrations, we pray endlessly with them (no, really, Rivergirl can PREACH.) We do not allow them to feed their fears; instead, we speak truth and life over and into them, filling them with light to push out any darkness. And I have to remember to do that for myself.
I know it is a common practice for many people to choose a word that will be their focus word for the new year. I have thought of doing it for several years, but could never really settle on any one word. This year it was clear to me that my word was to be BREATHE. ‘Cause when I am lost in emotions, I need to intentionally take a second and just breathe in – this is not a big deal. Breathe out – rest in the Lord. My friend Jodi used to say to the ladies at Lifehouse, “This is not freak out time. I will tell you when it is time to freak out.” And so I claim that too. Just, breathe. Do not feed the fears. Fill yourself with the light of the Lord , so much that there is no room for anything else.
So tonight, as I began to sink into my fears for Lilee, “will she need the frenectomy, how much will it hurt, will we get it in time, I’m already low on supply – what if we just can’t come back from this, how long should we try before we switch to formula,” on and on and endlessly on (i guess River learned from me!), I claimed those prayers over my sink of dirty dishes. Just, breathe. Do not feed the fears. This is not freak out time. Be still, and know who your God is, how big He really is.
Honestly, everything here in Austin is amazing. We love our home, this city, our dearest friends we are here with, the new friends we are making. School is going well, kids are doing great. Some awesome families are gathering around us, building the foundations of Mission24. Thank you for all of your prayers. Please keep praying for all of us, especially for me to rest in the knowledge that “The Lord will fight for me, I need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14 He is a good Father. I’m excited to see all that God has to show me in this time.
Love y’all! Keep you posted